Since this past January, I have been thinking and praying about my desire to blog. To help you see into my heart a bit, I’ll tell you – I’m a philosopher theologian. I spend my time contemplating the “why” of things. I seldom want the “do” of things; to take action. That is why I was taken aback when I realized that this desire to blog (getting outside of my own head) had been there for many years and had seen many evolutions.
Over the last six months, I have attempted to discern if blogging is something I should pursue. I have had many different thoughts such as “I am not a good enough writer to be public with my writings.” or “I do not have anything interesting enough to share.” “If it no one reads it, then what’s the point.” Despite this, I decided to start a project: to bring all my posts from Blogger and Tumblr together in one location. What I discovered during this transition, is that I wanted to blog despite the thoughts. While reading my blogs from the past, my desire continued to grow. And so I want to take you on a journey through the past before moving forward to whats next.
The Beginning (2009-2010?)
In 2009, I started by writing a handful of blogs about my “awesome” ideas. I wanted several things. 1. something small – to change the world with my ideas. 2. to disprove ideas I felt were wrong within culture. 3. to hear people’s responses to these ideas. Naivety heavily influenced my expectations on the impact of my blogging. However, I became discouraged when I did not see the expectations fulfilled. (I’m reminded of the song by Father John Misty “Ballad of the Dying man” Spotify Link). My disappointment led me to abandon blogging during this time. Later when I started writing poetry and posting it on my blog, I most likely deleted these “awesome” ideas to make room for the next Poet Laurette. I am slightly disappointed that these cannon ideas are lost forever, but also a bit relieved that they aren’t available for blackmail purposes.
Towards the end of 2010, I became interested in writing poetry. Once I had learned that the Psalms was a form of poetry, I wanted to learn to express myself this way. One of my professors at the Seminary sent me to another professor that wrote poetry and had a good understanding of it. She gave me a book that helped me understand the components of poetry. Shortly after I started reading the book, I started to write and post on the blog. Putting pen to paper, and then fingers to keyboard allowed me to articulate many emotions, but primarily frustration. I wanted to express to the world what I was feeling. As I was transferring the poems to this site, I legitimately enjoyed reading them again. My desire to write poetry had been refreshed. (I am actually working on a poem currently). My only regret is that I abandoned poetry so easily.
To be finished in Part 2…